Double Ended

I’m constantly on the fence of being saved or do I wanna die one more time,
I remember a time where it wasn’t even a thought in my mind, but somehow, some way I got control of this decision,
it became something only I have the power to decide,

it started a giant war within me because I’m always stuck in the middle,
looking left and looking right,
knowing either path I pick won’t be exactly what I want,

but the walls are closing in and the sands of time are falling down,
and the one I used to pray too is not here right now,
so I look at my feet,
the ones that have gotten me this far,
I close my eyes and take a step.

Is this really the end?