Living Free

Dear ex
You did your best
Putting me thru all that stress
Hands on my neck
Squeezing till I’m out of breath

Still remember when you told me to slit my wrists
Those sweet words almost made me not resist

I really love how the whole time you made me feel guilty for lying
All that time I spent crying and repenting my sins
You never even admitted you were just as guilty
I found out only when she text my phone to let me know you and her had sex right before you got on that plane to come see me

I thought I could make it better, give you a home and child
That was wild

I got pregnant and then I knew i was gonna be stuck with you.
I’m so glad you stressed me to the point I miscarried
Cuz who knows what would’ve happened
Like we might’ve ended up married

Doubt it, cuz you didn’t love me
You loved the control of me
Your puppet you could release but knew you could always come back to pull on the strings
And use me to purchase all of your things.

And as I began to see
what was in front of me
I lost my mind
Just in time

I knew you had to go but in my heart I’d never be the same
What a shame, you broke this beauty
And you went on with some regret
Trust I’d never let you forget

The problem tho is I thought I forgave
But I didn’t so
Now I’m here
Crying again for the 3rd time
Finding that I only loved that 1st time

I want so bad to be free
So I can be
Somewhere where my heart can beat

So I’ll say this now
With a smile
I loved you once
I love you now
But I forgive you
Cuz you were a child

You’ll become a man one day, I know
And I’m sure that you’ll think of me
But I have to let you go
So I can be free to love who I need

I forgive you for the abuse you put me through
And I understand that there was something wrong with you not me
And that I gotta learn to let this be

I am strong despite, how you made me feel weak,
I am brave despite, how you made me feel afraid
I am confident despite, how you made me feel insecure
I am worthy of love despite, how you didn’t love me before

I am worrying less, carefree
Less stressed

I’m Living free

Game of Thrones

Life lately has been real robotic
This isn’t what I had in mind
When I decided I needed to make up mine
But as long as I do it with all of my passion
I still feel satisfied inside

You probably thinking of me right now
And I’m still thinking about you and the stupid shit you do
How do you assume, some how? That those moves you used before would work on someone this smooth?

You did your best and I appalled you
Some quit before they got ahead
But you in the finals now
I’m sure I’m gonna end up with one of you
Or just all alone
Either way it’s hunger games

This is a race but I’m done giving shortcuts away
Someone’s got to win one of these days
And it’s gonna prove exactly what I’ve been saying

Till then I promise to take care of myself and stay out of the game
No longer want to be distracted by something unsafe
I’ve had my fair share of very sick days
Now It’s overtime until I change my name!

Monster/ She Devil

Evil on my left, goodness on my right
I laugh, I cry, do you know who I am?
Probably not!

Say it, say my name!
I’ll smile or I’ll frown
Never letting you know
Whether you’re up or down

You think you had me?
Do you know for sure?
I love the game more than you
Secrets you’ll never guess

I’ve had crazier schemes
Bigger plans
undercover for years

Tears I can fake
Smiles made like cake
You don’t want a piece of me
Easy to display what I want you to see

Oh geez, joker indeed
The one that I like to please
Has always been close to me

Plan E, M, D!
Tasty treats just for me
Finger licking good
If you know what I mean!

Hell here I come,
I’ve had too much fun
Dialing my 6 for my ride home

When you find out it’ll be too late
Targets already set in place
Maybe you shouldn’t have
Bille Jeaned!!

X marks the spot
Bombs over Baghdad
Ready for war!
I’ve been waiting
Can’t wait to taste the blood spilled!!

Monsters don’t show their teeth
Not until they will strike
And I’m patient so patient
Until the very end!

Rain…..

Thank you, you came and I hated you
But you loved me
You loved me

You tried to tell me and I didn’t listen
Fighting to ignore you
You just kept coming back

I know I didn’t want to see
I thought you were blinding me
But you were washing away the darkness

Now I’m open and I’m free
I see the path in front of me
It’s clear skies and birds chirping

Singing happy songs as I skip along
Now when I look back and see the rain
I smile knowing how far I came

You wave from far away
Knowing all along that
I’d walk in the sun again!

Evol

Turned that pain into a drug, now I’m high all the time!
Who needs a pill, when you can get this low on your own!
Backwards, falling up then back down again! Icarus, Flew this close to the sun for fun.

What’s death when your unafraid of it?
Came close enough before, that I’ve felt my heart stop, woke up with a knowledge most don’t got.
That was enough to make this whole world seem like a game, and I’m winning

You don’t know the in or the out until your finish, and how can you argue with someone who has seen the end and the beginning?

But understand me when I say there’s a future for all of us, no need to worry about tomorrow, that’s the lie, one you could never prove

I die every night to come here to tell y’all we ain’t got nothing to lose

Fighting to keep air in your lungs, trust breathing without relying on nothing is only half the fun!

Emptiness, darkness…..ever wondered were we fed a nightmare instead of a silent slumber

Touch me, but do you feel me? I could be up in the sky looking down below, playing puppeteer for the shell you see before you!

Mind gone? Now I’m found! Illusions are all apart of the confusion, giving me reason to believe death is nothing but evolution

“Light the Way”

Everything is cool and easy
Makes me nervous
Cause I’ve come to believe
Goodness has a time limit
And my nightmare grows stronger in
Absence

Who did this?
I search in need for a blame
What a shame
How one can have eyes
And be blind

I’m grateful that I am
As powerful as I am
Because never did I know
I was walking in the dark

Walking towards my goal
Never knowing
That I held the depression
That haunted my soul

It wasn’t my teacher
Who told me I wouldn’t make
In the world on my own

It wasn’t my father
Who wasn’t around enough
To witness me grow

It wasn’t the lovers
who came around just to
Get what they wanted

It wasn’t liars
Who’s stories I believed

It wasn’t the friends
That swore they’d always be
There for me

It wasn’t the articles
Who stated facts that made no sense

To tell the truth it wasn’t anyone’s
Fault except my own
I’m Finding out freedom
Begins with independence

Oxymoron to be so blind with a set of eyes
Looking for a way to justify the way I
Treat myself Do I need help, Or was the answer always this clear?

Stop looking for a savior, sit in the dark for a minute and you’ll realize you have a map to the light
Opened my eyes and I’m on my path

Stop looking back, because you’re the only one responsible for what you bring ahead!!

So now go live, love and learn!

The One

I’m in a daze, not sure what’s up and what’s down
You seen me when I was having trouble seeing myself
You touched me like no one else
That’s why I love you farther than earth itself

We all walk looking for apart of ourselves
I felt it the moment you walked up
I didn’t care how you looked, didn’t care what you said
Your energy captivated me and took my breath away
it’s hard to know if I’m still breathing till this day

To be chosen by me is a treasure because I see beyond the two eyes we measure
I have a gift of knowing that not many know about
But you know, cuz you do too

We are the same from the same star
Bursted here from a far
Split down the middle, found my half
We countlessly find the right words to say to complete the other

Diamond and gold worthless to us
We’ll get it to make sure
This is our planet for now, gotta make the best of where we are
I’ll find you again when we are done
You are my twin, my soul, my one